Mother's Day: Holding Space for All the Complexities

Mother's Day (in France, La Fête des Mères) is a moment of celebration, but also one that brings a complicated mix of feelings for many people.

It's a day where social media fills with messages of love and gratitude for mothers. And rightly so: mothers who nurture, protect, and guide their children with love and care deserve to be celebrated. Their labour, often invisible and unrecognised, quite literally shapes the future of humanity. If you were raised by such a mother — or are one yourself — your contribution matters deeply. Thank you.

When a Mother Couldn't Love You the Way You Needed

Not everyone has a mother they wish to celebrate.

Some people were raised by women who couldn't offer love — not because their children were unlovable, but because they were carrying burdens that left them unable to care in the way their children needed. Mental illness, addiction, trauma, or being forced into motherhood without choice or support — these can all impact a mother's ability to bond and nurture.

The journey to accept that your mother could not love you is long. It can feel like grieving something that never existed — an emotional orphanhood that lingers, even in adulthood.

To say, "My mother does not deserve to be celebrated," can feel taboo — something society doesn't know how to hold. But it is a truth many live with. And recognising that truth is not cruel. It's part of healing.

If you find yourself in that place, you are not alone. The road to self-acceptance, after a childhood shaped by emotional neglect or harm, is long — and courageous. Simply surviving that lack is an achievement in itself.

Honouring Chosen Mothers and Maternal Presences

Let's also take time to honour another kind of mother: the women who choose to mother without giving birth.

Aunts, grandmothers, stepmothers, foster carers, friends, mentors, teachers — women who step into that maternal space with love and steadiness. Whether for a child, a teenager, or even another adult who needed a mother figure — your presence can be life-changing.

These are the bonds forged not by blood, but by intention and heart. Chosen family matters. Sometimes love finds us in unexpected places — and sometimes, water is thicker than blood.

Reflection Questions

If today stirs something in you, take a moment to sit with that. Here are some gentle questions for reflection:

1. What does the word mother mean to me?

2. Do I feel grief, gratitude, anger, or something else entirely today?

3. Was there someone in my life who mothered me, even if they weren't my biological parent?

4. What did I need from a mother figure that I may not have received?

5. Have I found ways to give that love to myself or others?

6. Who might I want to honour today, whether they raised me or simply held space for me?

Activities

If this day brings up strong or complicated feelings, you're not alone — and you don't have to sort through it all in your head. Here is a gentle worksheet with simple activities to help you make space for whatever is coming up. 

Whether you're grieving, grateful, angry, conflicted, or just feeling a little raw, these exercises are here to support you in honouring your experience with compassion and care. There's no right way to feel — only your way.