Learning French (And Why It Might Be Making You Miserable)
Why Am I Talking About Learning French on a Therapy Blog?
J'aimerais prendre du temps afin de vous raconter comment j'ai appris le français.
When I first moved to Paris, I had no idea how deeply the experience of learning French would affect my mental health. It's something that comes up often in therapy sessions with expats I work with here in France. Many are surprised by how hard it is—not just logistically, but emotionally.
If you're an expat living in France and feeling hopeless about learning French, I see you. I've been there. And I hope sharing my experience can offer some comfort—and maybe even a bit of direction.
The Mental Health Impact of Not Speaking French in France
For many expatriates in France, language is more than just a practical tool—it's a lifeline. Without it, everyday life can feel confusing, isolating, and disempowering.
While it's true that English will get you by as a tourist in Paris, living here is a different story. Whether it's dealing with administrative paperwork, booking medical appointments, or simply making small talk with a neighbour, there comes a point where English just won't cut it. And it can happen much sooner than you expect.
Feeling Like a Toddler in an Adult World
When I first arrived in France, I had what I thought was a basic A2 level in French. In practice, though, I could barely order a croissant without feeling like I was performing brain surgery in public.
As a tourist, that's charming. As a resident, it's humiliating. You look around and everyone else seems to function just fine, and yet, there you are—stumbling through sentences like a toddler. And it's every day. It wears you down.
Language Barriers and Emotional Wellbeing
Over time, not being able to communicate can seriously affect your confidence. You start avoiding situations where you might have to speak. Maybe you think twice about going to that yoga class, or you dread grocery shopping because you're worried you'll make a mistake. You might even start to feel like you are the problem.
For me, it triggered feelings of shame and isolation I hadn't experienced before. I started projecting my frustration outward: French people are mean. They don't want me here. Sound familiar? In truth, those were just my insecurities speaking.
Why Is It So Hard to Learn French in France?
A lot of English speakers talk about how difficult French is to learn. I agree—but only if you're using outdated methods. Unfortunately, many French language schools rely on the same old-school techniques that French people themselves often found demoralising when they were learning English.
The Problem With Traditional French Language Classes
When I enrolled in my first intensive French class in Paris, I was hopeful. But the reality was soul-crushing. The focus was on grammar theory—complex stuff like the subjunctive mood and the plus-que-parfait—before I had even mastered the basics of daily conversation.
Worse still, mistakes were pounced on and highlighted. The teacher was only contemptuous of students who struggled to speak. It made me, and others, feel stupid.
I was paying €1500 to feel humiliated five days a week. Unsurprisingly, I found myself regressing. My confidence evaporated, and I started avoiding situations where I might have to speak French at all.
Thankfully, I had the presence of mind to drop out of that course and to try another. Which turned out to be more of the same. On the one hand, the teacher was less mean to the students.
On the other, the course was even more theoretical: the teacher spent one hour lecturing us on the difference between the "plus-que parfait" and the "imparfait" tenses. Incidentally, we have an equivalent difference in English, so all that was needed for me to understand that was a two sentence description, something I had already read prior to the class. In a three hour class, the only time us students talked was when the teacher occasionally let us ask questions about what he was lecturing us on.
I dropped out after the first class.
How I Turned Things Around (And You Can Too)
At this point, I could've given into despair. But there was a ray of hope. I'd been self-studying at home, with good enough results that I made a choice: I was going to become my own teacher. And it worked.
Within four months, I went from fumbling at A2 to confidently holding conversations at a C1 level.
Here's how I did it—and how you can too.
1. Create Your Own French Language Routine
I treated learning French like a full-time job. Each day was split into two parts: morning study and afternoon speaking practice.
My Morning Study Routine:
Reading French news articles: I'd read a short piece, looking up new words, but not stressing over memorising everything.
Novel study: I chose a young adult novel I'd already read in English. I read the French version alongside the English one, figuring things out as I went.
Grammar exercises: Yes, they're boring—but they help.
French journaling: Writing about my day helped me see where my grammar was weak.
French music immersion: I listened to songs, translated the lyrics, and practised singing them to improve my pronunciation (yes, even with my Aussie accent!).
2. Speak French Every Day (Even If You're Terrified)
I found a French conversation association that met daily. It was casual, supportive, and non-judgemental. The focus was on communication, not perfection.
At first, I struggled to answer simple questions like "Where are you from?" But I kept showing up. Within days, my confidence began to grow.
The key was consistency and finding a safe space where I could practise without fear of criticism.
Positive Tips If You're Feeling Hopeless About Learning French
If you're struggling, here's my therapist/expat advice:
1. It's Not You—It's the Method
If you're in a course that makes you feel ashamed, leave. You're not bad at French. You just need a different approach.
2. Small Wins Matter
Celebrate the little things: ordering a coffee, understanding a joke, making a new friend in French. These moments build momentum.
3. Find Your Community
Look for conversation groups or online exchanges where you can practise safely. Community is everything when you're learning a new language.
4. Take Care of Your Mental Health
Language learning burnout is real. If you're feeling overwhelmed, take a step back. Prioritise rest, mindfulness, and self-compassion.
You're Not Alone
Learning French can be isolating, but you're not alone in how you feel. As a therapist working with expats in France, I've seen how much language barriers affect self-esteem, relationships, and overall wellbeing.
But I've also seen what happens when people find their way forward: confidence, connection, and a sense of belonging.
Ready for Support?
If you're feeling stuck—whether it's with language learning, cultural adjustment, or the stress of expat life—I'm here to help. I offer therapy in English (and sometimes French!) for expatriates in Paris and beyond.