From Overwhelm to Ownership — My Journey with Housework

Introduction: A Quiet Point of Pride

Here's something I'm proud of in life: the clean home that I keep.

It's not something that comes from natural flair or obsessive tendencies. It's the result of many small habits, a lot of trial and error, and learning to be gentle with myself as I figured it all out.

For someone who began living independently in their teens — well before YouTube or cleaning influencers — I had a lot to learn.

The Early Days: Squalor and Shame

In those early years, I wasn't lazy — I was overwhelmed. I hadn't learned any practical systems for maintaining a home, but I had definitely absorbed anxiety and perfectionism around cleanliness.

One of my low points was realising, mid-winter, that I hadn't changed my quilt cover for an embarrassingly long time. Not because I didn't care — I did — but because I found the process so daunting. A queen-sized quilt seemed insurmountable. And when I finally did it? It took over an hour and involved meltdowns.

But every journey begins somewhere.

Learning Through Repetition

Over time, I stumbled into a routine: Saturday mornings, basic clean, bathroom, sheets. I still resented the time it took from my weekend, but something shifted. I started to enjoy the ritual of putting on headphones, listening to music, and zoning into a simple task.

There was comfort in the monotony — or maybe "predictable rhythm" is a better word. And there was something confidence-boosting about improving my environment with my own hands. It reminded me I could affect change, however small.

It wasn't about making chaos into order. It was about making something feel more beautiful.

A Surprising Affection

By the time I left Australia, housework had become something I didn't just tolerate — I had grown attached to it.

In Singapore, I lived in shared apartments where cleaning was often outsourced. That was convenient, sure, but something was missing. I no longer had the ritual — the grounding effect of it.

When I later became responsible for an apartment again, I decided to do the cleaning myself. And I realised: I still liked it.

Not the drudgery, but the head-clearing, podcast-listening, environment-improving satisfaction of it all.

Reflection Prompts

1. What early messages did you receive about housework growing up?
2. Are there domestic tasks you avoid? Why?
3. When was the last time you felt proud of something "mundane" you accomplished?

Try This

Create a mini-ritual around one regular task
Pick one thing — changing sheets, wiping surfaces, whatever — and pair it with music, a podcast, or a candle. Make it yours.

Extra Resources

• "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown — for understanding how perfectionism blocks self-compassion.

• How to ADHD - "How to Deal with Clutter When You Have ADHD" (YouTube) — a brilliant video for anyone who finds housework emotionally overwhelming, regardless of whether or not you have ADHD.

• Struggle Care with KC Davis (Podcast) — deeply validating, especially if you've ever felt shame around mess.

Coming up next week...

This post explored the emotional journey that brought me to a place of peace with housework. 

Next week's post (dropping Tuesday) is all about the how. I'll share the tools, strategies, and systems that keep my home clean without stealing all my time and energy — including the app that changed everything, and why I swear by steam cleaning. 

Don't miss it!