A Therapist's Survival Guide to a Complicated Christmas

Jingle bells, jingle hell... Christmas is a mess.

For some, it's a season of uncomplicated joy, spent with people who are kind, supportive, and respectful. If that's you, I am genuinely happy for you. This article probably isn't what you need right now.

But for the rest of us — for whom Christmas is messy, lonely, complicated, or just straight-up painful — this is for you. This is your Christmas survival guide. It's for anyone who is looking at the calendar and thinking, "Oh god, not this again."

Part 1: For Those Who Are Alone at Christmas

Let's start with those of you who are spending Christmas alone. No one to gather with, no one to give you weird socks, just you, while the world toasts eggnog in matching pyjamas.

I want to say something you already know, but that deserves to be said out loud: It is hard, and you matter. You are not invisible, even when an entire season seems designed to make you feel that way.

You likely have your own survival strategies, but here are a few gentle reminders:

• Be Honest About Your Coping: If one of your go-to strategies is substances, I'm not here to judge. I get it. But I will invite you to be radically honest with yourself. Christmas ends, but a comedown doesn't have a calendar. Whatever pain you're trying to numb will still be there, and it might even be worse.

• Find Your People (If You Want To): There might be community meals or local events happening in your area. Volunteer groups and churches often host these, and you don't need to be religious to show up, just human. Sometimes being with others makes the loneliness louder. But sometimes, it helps. The people at these gatherings tend to be the ones who get it.

• Practice Practical Self-Comfort: This isn't a cheesy self-love mantra. It's a practical plan. Buy yourself a small, thoughtful gift. Cook something that feels deeply comforting. Watch your favourite film. Take a long, hot bath. You are allowed to be good to yourself, especially when no one else is. Sometimes, a bit of comfort is enough to get you through a hard day. And that is no small thing.

Part 2: For Those Navigating the Family Hunger Games

Now, for those of you gearing up for your family Christmas. Whether your family means well but is exhausting, or doesn't mean well at all, this is your starting point.

A New Strategy for People Pleasers

Are you the one who smooths out the conflicts, manages everyone's moods, and absorbs all the bad vibes? Is it your job to be "the good one"?

Here is your mission for this year: Don't.

Seriously. Just don't. Do not take responsibility for the emotional state of other grown adults. If someone wants to sulk, let them sulk. Your job is not to be the emotional babysitter of your family. If they want a better Christmas, they can start by behaving better.

A New Strategy for Fighters

Perhaps you're not the people pleaser; you're the one who comes in ready for a fight. Ready to correct your uncle's politics, defend your partner, or rehash a teenage mistake for the hundredth time.

The advice for you is the same: Disengage.

Think of it this way: if you see a rabid dog on the street, barking and frothing at the mouth, do you get down on all fours and bark back? No. You keep walking. I invite you to treat some of your family members with that same detached curiosity. Ah, there goes Aunt Linda again, barking about my life choices. How festive.

The Radical Art of Setting Boundaries

You are allowed to have limits. Not because you're an adult, but because you are a human being.

• If you don't want to stay for two weeks, stay for three days.

• If you don't want to sleep on an uncomfortable mattress in the basement, book a hotel.

• If you don't want to exchange gifts, simply tell people you're not participating this year.

Your presence alone is more than enough of a gift. If they expect more — your time, your energy, your soul — they will live without it. They may call you ungrateful, but you will know the truth: you are simply choosing to protect yourself. You are an adult, and you get to decide how you do Christmas.

A Final Thought

Christmas can be beautiful, but it's okay if it's not. You do not need to be cheerful to be valid. You do not need to justify your limits. And you are definitely not the only one feeling this way.

This year, give yourself the gift of your own permission: to feel what you feel, to protect your peace, and to do what you truly need to get through.

If you'd like to explore these themes more deeply, I've created a series of free, downloadable worksheets to support your reflections during this complicated season. You can find them here.